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spp > features > halloween > gumtung
Gummy Tongue with Vampire Teeth

Ah, plastic fangs! A staple of cheap Halloween merchandise. There are SO MANY brands of plastic fangs on the market today, though... how can manufacturer set theirs apart?

I can only assume that that was the question plaguing the makers of this product. Essentially, these are just plastic vampire fangs packaged with a green apple-flavored gummy tongue for good measure. Two completely separate products obviously not intended to go together, since the tongue is actually too wide to fit between the bottom teeth. Well, it'll fit in there, but it'll fall out unless you want to chomp big holes in the tongue. No, this toy is intended to entice parents who can't figure out whether they'd rather spend their dollar on one of those 2-packs of vampire teeth, or just one set with a big gummy candy. Let me put it this way: How badly do your kids need more high fructose corn syrup?

The fangs, at least, are of reasonably good quality, which means that they're just like all the other plastic fangs in the world: too small for my mouth. Somebody once told me that plastic fangs are a good way to pick up girls in goth nightclubs, but I don't know how much I trust that advice, especially since they make me want to do this constantly:




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